


Road to Hell

by Diana_Prallon



Series: Holds Us Together, Pull Us Apart [16]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Love/Hate, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-05
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-18 00:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_Prallon/pseuds/Diana_Prallon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's always paved with good intentions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

"You - you are the worst of them all. Cruel as it was, Uther and Arthur were doing what they believed was right..."

"So did I" he said, quietly.

"You're a hypocrite" she spited, angry. "You turned your back on our kind..."

"Not all of our kind wants the same thing."

"It's  _our_  kind, Merlin, and you treated me like a monster. You lied and used me, you tried to kill me and  _you_  pushed me further away from where you stood than anyone else. This is your doing as well...  _Emrys_ "

"I wish it had been different" he pleaded, clearly broken. "I wish I had done things different. And I was sorry -  _so sorry_  - I never wanted to... I was sorry even as I did it."

"... Yeah. Sorry doesn't turn back time. You had your chances, even after that. You could have, yet, you did not. And  _that_ 's what matters. Your noble intentions weren't enough then and they aren't enough now. So stop pretending and do what you came here to do."


	2. II

He was there to kill her, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Morgana was at his mercy – weak and powerless, but she didn't seem to be scared – the woman standing before him was the complete opposite of the girl he had told he thought was magical.

She was ready to die; and it made him even more unwilling to kill her.

Everything she had said was true: he  _could_  have done things differently. He  _was_  partially responsible. But Merlin had been afraid, so afraid of what could happen to him – to them… He had been a coward, and it haunted him to this day.

He raised his hand, ready to struck, and she just smiled at him – as if she was blessing him, and perhaps, this would be the only blessing she had ever given him. He took a deep breath, preparing himself, and a thought crossed his mind, making him stop.

"After you came back… And I knew that you were against them… You could have accused me of poisoning you, but you didn't – even later, you never told anyone. Why?"

When they had begun to talk, she had been looking into his eyes, defying him, but now she couldn't face him.

"Don't you know? You have never guessed? Why do you think, Merlin?"

Her voice had turned soft and fragile, unsure and trembling, and he knew the answer all too well, for it had also been true to him for all those years. Merlin now knew his heart would never mend after this night, and it would be his fault.


	3. III

There was a reason that Merlin could never bring himself to kill Morgana – a reason that she never told anyone what passed between them when Morgause first tried to take Camelot. It was not something that could be easily put into words, for they would feel too hollow, too empty close to the complicated things they were meant to mean. It was not love – love was easy, simple, right – it was something else, more powerful and yet, it had the same roots.

Arthur had always been Merlin's destiny, and there was no choice there. They were meant to do things together, to create a new world. Two sides of the same coin, it was said. But Morgana – oh, that was another thing entirely. She and Merlin were kin, and more than kin – they were polar opposites, one living in the shadow's that the other lights casted, forever bound to one another.

If this had been someone else, Merlin could have tried a different path – not murder, but bounding their magic together, forbidding them forever to cause any harm against Merlin's will. But when it came to Morgana, this wasn't a possibility, for they were already bound from the dawn of times.

She was his darkness, come awake. Everything that he denied, she would accept. She was the one that kept the world in balance alongside with him; for they were carved from the same stone.

Morgana was his demise as Nimueh had been Uther's; as Alice had been Gaius', and in this case, there was no Merlin to avoid it all from falling apart – rather, he'd caused it to fall apart from the very beginning.

Their eyes were locked on each other, words unsaid for there was no need for them. She was his blood, his enemy, his priestess, all in one, and he could never undo her without undoing himself. He thought of Arthur and the sacrifices he had made for Albion to flourish, and it now stood tall. His duty to them would be done when this had been. Morgana was the only thing that could undo it, and he would never let her.

"Together."

* * *

It would be said later that he taught her and she betrayed him. It would be said that she lured him into a trap. The feelings they had hidden for a lifetime would be disclosed, songs would be written about it, the tragedy of a love that never should have happened, that could never have been avoided.

None would guess that he chose it as much as she did, sealing them and bonding them forever to the magic of the Earth, balancing the Old Religion for the rest of time, only to emerge to bring their king with them, ready to come back into life in times of great need.

A legend of love and hate, of perdition and redemption, all mixed up together in a string of words that the mortal tongue couldn't explain, even if their hearts could feel it. The story of a road straight into hell, – for there can be no salvation when there is no fall – before they finally found paradise.


End file.
